It's Rainin' Men!

Nothing like being held by some of the leading men in your life! 

Since Elise is now on nasal cannula, she can be held by more members of her family than just Mommy and Daddy. We know both our families are chomping at the bit to hold her, so we are thrilled we can now slowly invite more people to open up their arms for our tiny tot. Last week, Uncle Jordan got to hold Elise, even though she was still on CPAP. She can't wait for her Uncle Matt to squeeze her too! 

We know Elise's uncles are already wrapped around Elise's finger. That happened the day we announced we were expecting. So, we couldn't resist to place this onesie on our registry. We were thrilled when we received it as a gift at our first shower! 

Inside the heart it reads: cool, hip, funny, successful, hot, generous...
*contact info available upon request

Another leading male in Elise's life is her Grandpa Phil. This coming Tuesday happens to be my dad's birthday. We decided to surprise him by arranging for him to hold Elise today for his very first time. Elise placed a sparkle in her grandpa's eye the day she came into this world so quickly. That sparkle only grew brighter today. 

My grandfather, Don Davis, passed away in 2004 when I was only 21 years old. I was very close to both of my grandparents, and I wish I had them in my life for much longer than I did. However, I will always cherish the childhood moments I had with them. Anyone who lives in Seymour has probably heard and/or knows my grandparents quite well. They were truly special people that left a lasting impression on my life as well as many others' lives. 

Grant is very blessed to still have his grandfather, Leroy, in his life. A grandfather is a mentor, a comfy lap, and a reminder of the roots of a family. We know that Elise will grow up looking into her grandpa's eyes with the respect and love that we have felt for our own grandfathers. 

Elise's grandpa said it perfectly today as we were heading to dinner- "We can't wait for the day when we can hold her with no wires, no gloves, and no gowns… that will be a beautiful day!"

Other leading men in Elise's life: Don't feel left out...your time is coming soon! Elise will always wait for you with open arms. 

G & J & E 

Eat, Pray, Love

Our visit to the NICU today was initially a little daunting because we had not only had a new nurse, but she also had a orientating nurse with her.  Unfortunately, we have found the days to be challenging when we don't have one of Elise's "primary nurses"-- they don't know her, they don't know us, and it just creates this awkwardness in the atmosphere that often makes our visits less enjoyable.  Our initial visit this afternoon was OK.  We got Elise out a couple of times to hold, but she really wasn't waking up well enough to feed.  The highlight of our afternoon was when the orientating nurse was trying to show me how to put the stethoscope on Elise's heart so I could listen-- we definitely got a laugh out of that one!

Somewhat defeated with just an "OK" afternoon, we went off to dinner to come back to just a wonderful evening spent with Elise!

I'm just so happy to be with my mommy and daddy! Look at that SMILE! 

Amy, one of her primary night nurses, was on, and the atmosphere was instead filled with excitement and joy as Elise was wide awake and just an utter delight!  We started off by getting her changed into a nice little evening dress, and then the night just got better and better...

I'm all ready for a night on the town... Or at least an evening out of my isolette.

Once she was all dressed and ready, we were able to get Miss Elise to lay in her mommy's lap and take a bottle.  She had previously been able to take about 4 mL of her mommy's milk when feeding from the bottle, but tonight our little piglet took in a good 7 mL!

Daddy, are you watching me chow down on my bottle?

Like a good little angel, our Little Lady wanted to say her prayers before going to sleep.  On this Good Friday, Elise said a special prayer...

"May I continue to develop and grow so I can go home with my mommy and daddy soon."

We absolutely loved being able to enjoy Elise tonight.  It was certainly a taste of what it will be like when she is home and able to be held and loved at will by us-- and that moment just cannot come quickly enough.

-G & J & E 

Soaking Up Mommyhood

Today was a day I will never forget. I went to the hospital solo while G stayed home to work. I knew Elise transitioned to nasal cannula yesterday, so I couldn't wait to get to the hospital and check out her face; a body part that is so precious to parents, but we couldn't see it while she was on the CPAP for almost 3 weeks.

Look at meeeeee! 

How adorable is she?! Yes, all parents are biased when it comes to the cuteness level of their children. I undersand that now. However, I must be honest and say I was the opposite for the longest time. I secretly worried whether or not Elise would be cute. Would her eyes be puffy from being on oxygen? Would her nose be permanently wide due to the CPAP prongs? Will she look like us or will she have the "preemie" look for her whole life? Many times I would get upset at myself for questioning her looks. I felt like I was being a bad parent, but I just couldn't help my mind from worrying. When a person is sent through hell for the first several weeks of their life, you can't be certain of anything. When I let myself focus on her looks (rather than a monitor screen or a doctor's face) I found myself 'hoping for the best' rather than being completely certain she would be adorable.

Worry no more! I couldn't keep my hands off of her today! I kept kissing her little nose and rubbing her very soft hair. And those lips...those lips!...those were kissed off too. Since she weighs just shy of 3 pounds, I think 'bottling her up' in a little soda bottle would be appropriate, especially since I have to leave her at the end of the day. I don't believe any soda bottle is the color pink....hummm....I am starting to envision a way to pay off these NICU bills...

Today was so very special because I got a slice of mommyhood, a craving that has been around for a long time. I held my daughter and got to move her around in my arms. This was huge because before today, we had to hold Elise in the same position and very still so her apparatuses wouldn't come apart or fall off. Sometimes she was very fussy when we would hold her. The CPAP would either be rubbing her nose wrong or there would be tension on the tubing. All of these issues would take some joy away from holding her, simply because you were worried about making her uncomfortable, something you tried so hard not to do.

Now when we hold, we still have her leads (measuring her heart rate and oxygen levels) and her nasal cannula tubing, but that's it! Holding her today was fantastic!

I also got to give Elise her very first bottle today. I was so proud of her when she took in 5 ml's of milk. It's fascinating to think how babies must learn the SSB method (Suck, Swallow, Breathe). Think about it...SSB comes very natural for us, but not for a 33 weeker. The nurse and doctor were very impressed with Elise's first try with a bottle. Dr. Ben Saad's words were "Wow!" when he learned she took in 5 ml's on her first attempt. You could tell she was tuckering out towards the end. Her eyes became heavy and her oxygen started to drop. She turned a not-so-lovely shade of blue and that's when it was quitting time. She bounced right back to her pink little face shortly after turning blue, and at the same time, turning Mommy's hair gray. I may have gray hair in 2 years when I turn the big 3-0, but every strand will be well worth it...and very memorable.

The entire time she was eating from the bottle, her eyes were bright and big...staring right at me. I started to get choked up soaking in the moment and thinking about how far we've come during our NICU stay. I also thought about the words my preemie mentor had emailed me yesterday regarding bonding with a NICU daughter:

There were many days I wondered if I was anyone different to her. Did she know that I wasn't just another nurse, therapist, doctor, or specialist?? Now I know. She knew us all along. Now, our daughter is like an additional appendage on my husband and me. We bonded in such a non-traditional, unique, and intense way.


I felt the truth of these words today. Everyone always says that a child knows his/her mother's voice from being in the womb. I worried our situation might be different because Elise only spent half a pregnancy in the womb and when she came out she certainly didn't go straight into my arms. I felt Elise studying me today while she was sucking on her bottle. Hopefully she was thinking, "Now I can finally see my Mommy's face just like she can see mine." I certainly was studying her.

I was so excited to come home and share all these stories with G over dinner. He is very excited to go with me tomorrow and get his slice of daddyhood.

Goodnight Moon

Blessed,
G & J & E

Steppin' it Up!

Today was a BIG day for the Olsens! Elise is OFF the CPAP and onto nasal cannula! (two prongs in her nostrils that give her oxygen). She is on Vapotherm which is a high flow nasal cannula. They still believe she is too small (in size) to take regular nasal cannula. No worries, we will get there soon enough. We are just beyond THRILLED that she could say goodbye to the CPAP (and all the tubing, tubing, and more tubing!) However, as with any transition, we are in a window of testing right now. We will pray that her lungs are now strong enough to stay open on their own without the pressure of the CPAP. She is doing quite well so far. Right now, she is needing about 25% oxygen and is tolerating her feeds wonderfully with no residuals (nothing left over in her belly that isn't digested). She will still need her OG tube (feeding tube) for a while because my milk alone isn't enough calories for her. They have been fortifying the breast milk with extra protein calories and will continue to do so until she gets closer to her term date (May 20th).

When the doctor called this afternoon, he told us if things remain stable throughout the night, they will start bottle feeding Elise tomorrow! As soon as she shows she can suck from a bottle and not drop her oxygen, we will try breastfeeding. Wow! Our Little Lady is certainly stepping it up! Every time I think Grant and I couldn't be prouder parents of this darling little girl...we become prouder.

Mommy canNOT wait to see my little face and touch my soft head tomorrow...it's been 2.5 weeks toooo long! 

We also had a wonderful day yesterday with our first baby shower! Our church family is one amazing group of people. Not only do we have their prayers, but we have their constant love and support. The church we attend happens to be my childhood church. I've known the people and the church for as long as I can remember. My mother was the choir director for over 20 years. Needless to say, my church is my second family. When Grant and I began dating, he didn't have a church in the area that he attended. I of course invited him to ours soon after we started dating. I can remember sitting in the choir loft, ready to sing, and see Grant walk in the back entrance of the sanctuary before the service would start. I would always get butterflies...and have a couple of tenors razz me from behind by saying, "who is that guy, Jess??" Before long, Grant felt as though my church family was his family as well.

The shower was a cute luncheon held after the service yesterday with yummy salads, cupcakes, and chicken and ham salad croissants. Everything was decorated in bright pink and green polka dots...two of my favorite colors and so spring-like! Elise will be a fashionista after her 3 showers have come and gone-- wow! What cute outfits everyone finds! We also got many fun gadgets for her to play with or roll around on...such as a beautiful handmade quilt! It's amazing to think that someday she WILL be big enough to sit in a booster seat at the kitchen table. Hard to fathom that idea right now!

As I was writing thank you notes this afternoon, I took a moment to remember what yesterday's baby shower felt like for me. Since Elise's arrival hasn't been what would be described as "normal," we haven't taken many moments just to celebrate HER. It always seems a doctor's report or the latest update from the nurse takes the place of just rejoicing her arrival. However, yesterday's shower was simply for HER. Grant and I discussed how it was so nice to not speak of doctors or nurses or monitors. We got to unwrap bath toys and get excited about giving her her first bath in our home and smelling her after using the Johnson & Johnson bedtime lotion. When we unwrapped the Baby Einstein musical jumper from our registry, we pictured her bouncing away when her tippy toes can touch the bottom so she can bounce herself back up. We also got to compare preemie clothes to 9 month clothes. It was so funny to watch everyone's faces when we held up a preemie sleeper and told them that the preemie size is still baggy on Elise. Can you imagine what we think when we look at 9 month clothing?? ha!

We are so thankful to our wonderful church family for giving us a day to celebrate Elise for being Elise...a new baby that will love all of her presents....and love her church family when the day finally arrives that we can have her in those pews babbling away.

Onward,
G & J & E

Celebrating with a Realistic Frame of Mind

We had a wonderful day in the NICU yesterday! I must say, I wasn't looking forward to the 'gown and glove' policy. More than anything, I was worried with how it might make me feel. "Normal" had just started approaching us within the last couple of weeks, and I hated for a silly gown and a pair of gloves to change that.

When we arrived, Donna (Elise's nurse), showed us what we could/couldn't do based on the new MRSA guidelines. She did inform me that once Elise gets ready to breastfeed, I will need to wear gloves while breastfeeding her. That seemed quite ridiculous to me. My child can face plant herself into my chest, but I need to wear gloves??? Ahhh hospital policies. Don't get me started.

Regardless of the craziness of the new policy, we rolled with it. Both of us had great snuggle time with Miss E and she gained a WHOPPING 95 grams...which puts her at 2 lbs. 13 oz! The nurse did tell us to not be alarmed if she loses a little tonight since gaining 95 seemed extreme for one day! Elise's average is to gain around 20 grams per day. However, gaining 95 grams is definitely more Raynor/Olsen style!

Her foot is the length of my pinky finger

Elise was also moved from CPAP of 5 to CPAP of 4. Next step will be to nasal cannula! Dr. Maylock told us that the Easter bunny might just bring nasal cannula for Elise's first Easter basket. We simply cannot wait! I am so ready to see her head...seems crazy, I know, but I haven't seen her head (and really the majority of her face) since she went on CPAP two weeks ago today. It will also be a pleasure to not see Elise with huge, scrunched up nostrils. Oh the lovely CPAP. We will be thrilled to say goodbye to the device when the time arrives.

We certainly aren't out of the NICU woods yet, but we are starting to see some much appreciated light. Like we've said before, Elise has dodged many NICU bullets. That doesn't go to say we haven't had our worrisome days...we certainly have! But Elise has had her guardian angel, Nana Lisa, working overtime for her. For example, we saw the eye doctor yesterday. Elise is now going to see him once every two weeks instead of once a week because her eyes are right on track. Elise also saw PT and OT yesterday. She is moving and acting exactly like a 33 weeker. Therefore, they are only going to see her one to two times a week instead of daily. Can you say miracle baby? Yeah! Odds were stacked against us when we started down this road in February. Now we find ourselves being able to relax slightly and count our many blessings rather than worry about what's to come.

Unfortunately, the NICU roller coaster is hitting other families around Elise's area in the NICU. We've made friends with Miss Olivia's parents who are across the way from Elise. Olivia was a twin, but sadly her brother passed away 3 hours after birth. The twins were delivered at 24 weeks and Olivia is 11 weeks older than Elise. Olivia has had a lot thrown at her since her very early birth. We don't know all the details, because sometimes we hesitate to ask. Many things are kept private among the NICU families. Voices are low and many times kleenex boxes are past back and forth not knowing what exactly is going on. Whenever I see Olivia's mother crying, I know it hasn't been a good day. I'm sure Olivia's parents feel the same way when they see our tears. We try to rejoice together during the happy moments, but give each other the 'I'm sorry' look and privacy when things aren't going so well.

I was so happy for Olivia and her family when Olivia's mommy told me yesterday they were discussing going home next week. Olivia's mother was soooo thrilled! Her smile was HUGE- as I'm sure mine will be the day when we start discussing the 'going home' process.

It wasn't 4 hours later that Olivia was seen by the eye doctor (the eye doc had just left us and had given us our good news). Olivia had an eye surgery done at St. V's a few weeks ago and it went very well. I don't think the parents expected the eye doctor to tell them that Olivia's retinas were detached and she needed emergency surgery in Chicago. That wasn't the news they wanted after being excited to talk about going home, but that was the news they received, unfortunately. By 5:00, Olivia was picked up by the transport team and shipped off to Chicago. Olivia's parents were right behind in their car.

My heart absolutely broke for Olivia's parents. They've grieved the loss of their son while their daughter has received so much medical work while in the NICU. They finally heard about the 'going home' process only to hear 4 hours later about an emergency eye surgery that needed to happen as soon as possible. The NICU is truly, TRULY a roller coaster.

We celebrate Elise's milestones in the NICU with a realistic frame of mind. We absolutely are thrilled with her progress! However, we know of the ugly roller coaster that unfortunately, always lurks in the background. I don't think we'll ever take our first deep breath until we are home. Maybe we never will (especially being first time parents!)

The best part of yesterday? Karrie, Elise's favorite night nurse, knew how I felt about the 'gown and glove' policy. I had talked to her quite a bit about feeling deflated that I wouldn't be able to touch Elise with my own bare hands. Right after we put Elise back in her isolette for the night, Karrie whispered, "take your gloves off and love on your girl." I couldn't get my right hand glove off before I just started to kiss all over her teeny hands! Loved this time. Thank you Miss Karrie!

Love, Love, Love!

Goodnight Mom and Dad! 

Bonding Through Gowns and Gloves

For the past few days I have started to experience this strong urge to bring Elise home. Maybe because today happens to be the 48th day in the NICU. I'm ready for tomorrow to be the 1st day home. However, we know she still has quite a few more days in the NICU before she is ours to take home. Right now, she is 2 pounds 9 ounces. She needs to grow to at least 4 pounds so the smallest car seat can carry her home. She will also need to be off breathing apparatuses such as the CPAP. She continues to do well on the CPAP, but still very much needs it to keep those lungs open and working. All of this tells me one thing: the NICU still needs her. 


I've spent the last few days pondering why I have this "urge" all of a sudden. A couple of reasons pop to mind:
1). We have just recently been able to dress Elise in preemie clothes. Even though many preemie clothes are still too big for her, anytime a baby is put in a cute outfit, life becomes more real, as we like to say. She's no longer a baby in a diaper with wires all around. She is now a baby, in a diaper, with some wires, AND an adorable outfit on! 


2). Holding time is happening much more frequently now that we are almost 50 days into our stay. At least once a day (if not twice) do the nurses help us get Elise out of her isolette and we enjoy rocking her for 1-3 hours, depending on her schedule and tolerance level. 


3). Maybe because this urge is normal! Meaning, there is no reason I am just now feeling it, other than we are slowly coming out of the shock of our world turning upside down and welcoming Elise 4 months early.


This urge to bring her home is bittersweet, as with many things about a NICU stay. I now feel the urge to spend everyday in the NICU versus my every other day schedule I started in the beginning of our journey (G and I thought this may happen). I've held off so far driving everyday because I know it is not the healthiest option for me to take. She also still needs her "no stimulation times" even though she can be held. If I'm there everyday, I will ache to hold her and stimulate the heck out of her! I can't get enough of her teeny tiny hands and feet....I could kiss them until they fall off! 


I find myself thinking of Elise one thousand times a day....that has never changed since her birth. I am also getting much more used to seeing 'NICU calling' come across my phone during the early afternoon hours. It's usually the doctor calling to give me the update for the day. For the last several days, Elise has received glowing updates from the doctors. We could say the roller coaster has been going in 'our direction' these last few days, until today when we took a slight turn in direction.... 


Today the doctor started with, "I have some not so good news first." It appears that Miss Elise tested positive for MRSA through a weekly routine nose swab. It has NOT turned into an infection, and we pray it doesn't, but the doctors are going to give her 5 days of an ointment through her nose and bottom to hopefully keep it from going into an infection. We pray that we do not have to go down the infection road again. Due to hospital policy, usually babies who test positive are moved to isolated rooms instead of staying in their usual decorated corners in the NICU. Fortunately for us, Elise is in the back of the NICU and the doctors declared that her spot was safe enough. 


MRSA is found in something like 1 out of 3 humans. Unless it turns into an infection, a person has no symptoms of even having MRSA. We are thankful that the hospital does the routine nose swabs and made us aware of Elise's positivity. If I were a parent of another NICU baby, I would want all precautions taken so that my baby stayed MRSA free. However, it is heartbreaking to know that we will have to wear gowns and gloves whenever we are in contact with Elise. Changing her diaper, feeding her, and even holding her. At first I thought the 'gown and glove' policy was just for the 5 days until they could swab again and hopefully find Elise to be MRSA free. However, they don't swab again because their policy is: 'once you a MRSA positive, you are MRSA positive.' Therefore, hospital 'gown and glove' policy stays in effect for the entire length of the NICU stay. I'll be honest and say when I heard this, I didn't think about the safety of the other babies in the NICU. I only thought about how I'll never get to hold Elise without gloves on until we come home. Skin to skin is powerful and moving. Gloves to skin takes all of that away. 


We've worked so hard on this bonding process because we are on a very unique journey in our lives. Anything we can do to bond, we jump in with both feet and 100% eagerness. I don't want to be doom and gloom and say this is devastating. We will find a way to adapt to this, as we always do. It just makes me very sad. I love touching her skin and letting her touch mine. I sit for hours sometimes just touching her tiny fingers while she snoozes away. These gloves will certainly throw a kink in the bonding process and make me feel like a space momma in a bubble trying so hard to feel like a normal momma. 


Maybe a nurse will let me take a couple of fingers out of a glove when no 'policymakers' are looking: what happens in Elise's corner, stays in Elise's corner? 


Always trying to find a little humor along the way, 
J


P.S...the doctor did give us some good news during the phone call today. Elise is at 22% oxygen and looks, feels, and sounds great! She is tolerating her feedings wonderfully and continues to hate the CPAP. That's our girl! 

Scrub-A-Dub-Dub

Prior to our trip up to the NICU today, I attended church for the first time in about two months. As we often stay overnight on the weekends when we visit, and I have worked the other Sundays, this has been my first opportunity to finally get back and see our church family. It was very nice to get back, and it was even more wonderful how much support and love our church family has for us and our Elise. It was an uplifting start to our day!

We arrived in the NICU today and were greeted by Gretchen, one of Elise's primary daytime nurses.  She updated us to the fact that Elise was doing quite well, although she had managed to pry off her CPAP and blow it at her eyes for several moments, and would be ready whenever we liked for her first bath!  Similar to diaper changes, I can't say I usually take part in any of the bathing of the little ones under my care.  Although I was very excited that Elise would be able to get her first bath (really more of a spit bath), I relinquished this honor to her mommy so that I could get pictures and video of this exciting event.

What are you guys planning on doing with that tub of water?

OH NO!  I see where this is going...

Whew! All washed and diapered back up.

Following Elise's first cleansing, the proud father of the squeaky clean little girl was very happy to be able to hold her for his longest period yet... A little over 1 1/2 hours!  I still have yet to hold her as long as her mother, but I find that Elise seems to handle her mother's gentle touch a little better than her father's... I'm sure that's a temporary issue and doesn't really amount to anything ;-)

One happy and beaming Papa!

We had a long but very beautiful day with our tiny treasure.  She continues to thrive on the CPAP-- even if she hates it and continually tries to escape out of it.  She tolerates being held quite well, and the nurses have commented that this is a good sign.  Her Neonatologist today felt that she will be able to wean again soon on the CPAP, and that the only current concern is that the hat she wears for device seems to be making her head circumference a little below par-- but she will catch up.  Also, we found that our little girl is continuing to "pack on the grams" and has gotten herself up to 2 lbs 8 oz with the help of her mommy's breast milk and fortifiers.  We continue to hope that she sails as well as she has and quickly reaches the goal of 4 lbs so we can get our little angel home!

Nothing better after a long day than a kiss from my mommy!

To the end of a long but wonderful day,

G